You Can’t Get Where You’re Going, if You Don’t See Where You’re Going

The best thing you can do in the morning is plan the end of your day. Perhaps there’s something recorded on the DVR – an Academy Award movie you’ve wanted to see. Or maybe it’s a pasta dish, loaded with fresh herbs and wonderful ingredients, that you’ve planned to make. It could be that your children want you to read to them. Or you and your husband bought a slightly more expensive bottle of wine than usual that you want to crack open. Once you know what the day’s end is going to look like, get into in. Imagine the taste of the pasta sauce, all garlicky and rich with velvety tomato sauce. Or visualize the look on your children’s faces as they listen to you read. Read the synopsis of the film and remind yourself of the actors in it. NOW you’re ready for your day.

As long as you have the end in sight, the plans, meetings, work, stress, traffic, sudden unexpected calls – they’ll all be easier because you’ll already know when and how it’s all going to come to an end. And the end is good because you planned it.

Gertrude Ederle was the first woman to swim the English Channel. She was the youngest, age 21, to date in 1926, and she did it in almost 2 hours less time than any of the previous men. She had a ticker tape parade down Broadway in New York City when she returned home. The press kept attributing her accomplishment to her youth. At the age 48 she announced she would swim again on her 50th birthday. She wanted to prove that youth had nothing to do with her success. On the day of the swim, it was grey and damp and there was a low fog hanging over the Channel. She got into the water and after about 12 hours and 75% of the distance, she got out of the water and quit. When the safety boat reached the shore, a reported asked her why she gave up. She said, “The fog was so low. I couldn’t see where I was going. There seemed to be no end in sight.”

If you don’t plan where you’re going, how will you know when you get there?

Being Brief (Because We Barely Listen)

My favorite resignation letter of all times was the one Richard Nixon wrote: “I hereby resign the Office of the President of the United States. Sincerely, Richard Nixon.”

One sentence. It said EVERYHTING it had to say. Direct. To the point. Simple. Clear. So if we can appreciate simplicity, why are we always explaining everything? People speak faster than human beings can listen. The slower you speak, the more they hear. And no one ever really expects an explanation. People who are polite will stand there listening, nodding and smiling – but watch their eyes – they get tired of the whole explanation and the eyes go blank. What they’re thinking about is the dry cleaning they have to pick up after the meeting. People don’t want background. They don’t need to know what you know. They just need what they need. Keep your explanation to yourself and just tell them what they need to know about what you can do for them.

I often tell my clients and colleagues to Sloooow Dowwwn. The slower you speak, the better the chances you’ll be heard. Most people won’t even notice how slow you’re going. They’ll just perceive it as being direct and clear.

You Haven’t Lived Until You’ve Been Rejected

It’s true. It’s bound to happen sooner later: You’re not going to close that deal you’ve been working on for months. Maybe someone didn’t like you – for whatever reason. Most of the time we are rejected for reasons we don’t know. None of our assumptions about why are correct. Perhaps we were turned down for things that were not under our control. Someone decided to raise the price of things you needed to buy. Maybe the person you spoke to decided to go with someone younger. Or someone who reminded them of their daughter. Or they’re having trouble in the workplace and they blame you, even though you had nothing to do with it. Or maybe someone wasn’t feeling good the day you met and everything they did that day seems arbitrary.

It happens to almost everybody. So what did you learn? Maybe nothing. Maybe you just moved on. That doesn’t mean there isn’t something to learn from the experience; there always is. The bright side is that you’re still YOU. You’re still the sum total of all the things you ever accomplished. Being rejected is just a moment in time. It doesn’t define you. What defines you are all the great thing you did before and will do again soon.

Don’t let a “non” or a rejection define you. Don’t waste more than a moment lingering. Move on. The best of us smile, learn and move on. Don’t look back. So you were rejected – join the club. It’s happened to the best of us.

Going it Alone

As an Executive Coach, and as a person who always has a hand out to help someone, I’m amazed at how many people are in the midst of something stressful, or something scary, or something that isn’t going well. There are so many people questioning their confidence about what they’re doing that might not work or may even fail. All that “stuff” makes us less productive because it drains our energy, interrupts our sleep, and worries us daily. What we cannot do is go it alone. What we must do is reach out. Ask for help. Get into a mastermind. Call a mentor. Tell someone you’re struggling, or tired, or worrying. Ask for an idea. Ask for a hug. It’s really important to let someone know. People love to help. And when they do, our confidence returns. Our optimism returns. It makes them feel honored to have been able to help. And if you’re building relationships, that’ll do it for sure.

Did you make a huge mistake? Then make a huge confession!

Years ago, when I was working in corporate, I added a zero at the end of a copy paper order. It was proofed and approved by two people after I prepared it. Instead of 200 reams of paper, 2000 reams were delivered. All hell broke loose. When the comptroller asked how it happened. I simply said, “I did it. It was an accident. I guess I depended too much on the people who looked it over after I prepared it. I’m really sorry.” He thanked me for being so forthcoming and taking the responsibility. And he suggested calling other departments to see who else might be ordering copy paper.

We all make mistakes. Not all of them are as catastrophic as ordering 1800 reams of paper more than were needed or budgeted for. Maybe we just forgot an appointment. Or we accidentally deleted an important email. It can be very easy to blame someone else. We can make an excuse. We can even rationalize that we’re stressed, overworked and very busy.

Don’t! People have a short memory about the mistake. But they’ll always remember that you confessed and apologized.